He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
