I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
