I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
