guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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