I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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