its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
