I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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