one might say we're banned from that church
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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