i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
