i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
