haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize