I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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