even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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