i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
