I puked a lego.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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