My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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