There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
