She is in my trunk
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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