Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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