whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
