U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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