Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
