Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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