do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
