They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
