I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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