burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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