Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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