I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
