Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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