NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize