just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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