he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
