Are we in a gay sports bar?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
