It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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