he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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