ugly people sure do ruin things
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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