R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize