Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
