i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
