Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well I just put wine in my tea
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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