hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
