On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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