I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
