Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I FOUND THE LEGS
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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