FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
