Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize