Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize