my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
