I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
