yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
If I die, sorry about rent.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
