Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
