remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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