I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize