how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
