We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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