Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
