My first STD was from a foam party
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I currently don't understand fingers.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
