he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
