Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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