come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
