I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
