Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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