He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
