I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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