I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
