I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Randomize
