you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
