everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
These tits shall not be calmed
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