# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
