Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
