I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize