Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
