drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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