Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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