i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
