He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
